Writing to women

7 tips for writing the first message when dating online.

Make your first words count!

In 5 minutes you will discover how to approach women online and let your charm come through on-screen.

Examples of ways to start up a chat with a woman online and the best tips for memorable messages based on flirt research are waiting for you…

Getting the ball rolling: Tips to make writing to women a piece of cake.
These hidden gem tips and tricks for writing to women garnered responses from 87% of ladies within an hour during our trial run!

Flirty texting is an ideal way to make initial contact with the beings from Venus. You’re online, come across a woman who catches your eye and want to send her a message. Much like speaking to women on the street, you are not likely to win a date with her by using dumb chat up lines.

We’re going to start, though, with a look at women’s online dating accounts who receive the same messages everywhere. Whether it be Tinder, Friendscout, Finya or Lovoo, most attractive women receive around 100 messages a day from men who more often than not write simply “Hi :D”, “Hey :)” or “Hey, how’s it going? ;)”.

The emoji might change but otherwise not much else. Ladies are drawn to men who stand out from the crowd. If you have a match on Tinder most of the women expect you to take the first step and write to them.

How to get the word exchange underway

If your first message in a chat doesn’t lay down a concrete topic of discussion, then you have essentially landed her with the responsibility of leading the conversation. Now she’s supposed to come up with something? At this point, most women will leave the chat. So pull your socks up and take the lead. My golden rule is: Always try and make it as easy and tempting as possible for your lucky lady to sleep with you!

Aim to make it as easy as possible for her to write back to you. Make it as easy as possible for her to react to your double entendres, pave the way for her to tell you how great she is, make it as easy as possible to meet up with you and get to know one another intimately. Starting from the first message, you shouldn’t allow any of your own insecurities to get in the way of getting into bed or a relationship with her.

Stand out from the crowd when you write to that lucky lady.

1. Speak to your wonder woman directly about her profile for example and discuss her pictures, hobbies and interests.

It’s better to take the information from her profile and turn it into an emotion. Draw a romantic picture in the chat or an exciting depiction of you two together. Make it humorous if you like, but never so crazy that she thinks you have a screw loose.

2. A top tip for writing to women: Make a point of mentioning something you read in her description that you liked, that you didn’t understand or have intentionally misunderstood or something in her profile you randomly picked out.

The last one may seem a bit strange to you but women do the same thing day in day out when they meet new men.

3. Also easy as 1-2-3: Give her a role and exaggerate what she does.

Need an example? She is playing tennis and you pretend to have caught her eye at Wimbledon or crown her the new Steffi Graf.

4. Especially successful for chatting to women on Tinder is to simply thank her for the match. Give her an individual compliment and request one of her profile photos. If necessary, ask her where the photo was taken or what camera was used.

5. Give her a nickname

Nicknames and inside jokes are a standout for chatting and flirting. They help establish a playful environment with her and makes you stand out from all other guys she might be chatting to.

6. Be honest and tell her that you’re not sure how to write to her, but that you think she’s awesome and write a little story (for example, what you did today). The story should offer your writing partner a chance to write something in response. Alternatively, you could ask a question or send her a funny sentence starting with “I hope…”, such as “I hope I haven’t bored you to tears with my story ;D” You’re probably wondering how that works?

Because absolute honesty when getting to know one another always makes a good impression and
because it’s individual and endearing.

7. When you’re writing, leave the following at the door…

Avoid these monster mistakes when writing to lady loves

Nothing is more snoozeville than that standard “How’s it going?”. Not only does practically every guy write that, but it also doesn’t leave much room to write anything more than “good” in response. Or do you actually think she’s going to be brutally honest and tell you she’s a mess because of her ex and messed up an important exam as a result?

No. That’s something she definitely won’t be writing any time soon. So don’t let that be your opener.

Don’t let your first message be any old rubbish, choose your words wisely since you have time to properly refine your first message instead of worrying about cheap flirting. Make sure to write from the heart and avoid phrases you’ve googled. Women have brains and the ability to google, you know.

Pick out succinct information from your dream woman’s profile. This could, for example, be similar interests like travel preferences, things you get up to in your free time or favorite films.

What strikes you about your dream date’s dating profile? Form a charming and memorable start to the chat. Your opener should indicate interest and also reveal a little about yourself. “Short and sweet is enough, charm and a verbal wink of the eye are the cherry on top!” an online dating provider suggests.

Showing off is a turn off – understatements are more appealing

My car, my boat, my rolex – avoid photos where you’re obviously showing off in your profile. This also goes for topless mirror selfies. When chatting you should also try not to put rose-tinted glasses on what you write. You don’t need to try to impress women.

Men who try to impress a girl the whole time only succeed in giving off the impression that they have low self-esteem. Too many guys try day in day out to cut a good figure with women by putting material items in the foreground. Women who are magpies only want one thing from you: money.

Having spoken to a number of our more wealthy flirt coaching participants, we know how tough it can be when you only get matches with gold diggers who no longer make you feel valued for your personality. This is also true for women when they are reduced simply to their physical attributes.

People are often fearful of exposing their weaknesses because there is a worry that it will open us up to ridicule or being walked over. In actual fact, though, the exact opposite is true.

When people take down the façade, others deal with the exposed weaknesses responsibly. Imagine how women in other chats are overwhelmed by exaggerations and bragging. Offer her a breath of fresh air and be an awesome chat partner instead. In your first conversation don’t take either of you too seriously. Witty writing is much more attractive.

Also be careful that you can build a statement from every question you ask. In James Bond films, for example, the dialog is always slick because the agents know not to ask just a single question when flirting. Instead of asking “Where are you from?” and “Do you go to college here?”, you could just say “I take it you’re a student here”.

By doing so, your chats will not only be more exciting and playful, but you also give her the perfect opportunity to hit back with a funny response.

Open questions raise your chat stakes.

It is not difficult writing to women because, as with so many things, practice makes perfect. There will come a point where you no longer even need to think long and hard about your opening message. There may be times when you will have to answer the same questions repeatedly, like where you live and what your hobbies are.

One strategy, therefore, might be to create a small bank of answers for such questions. As a result, you’ll be able to quickly jump into action, saving you time whilst full in the knowledge that the answer is effective. Regardless of the medium by which you’re writing, the first message decides whether you’ll get a reply.

Writing to women on Tinder follows the same principle as writing to women on Whatsapp: Be yourself and not too general. The female species love personal messages which relate to the look or qualities of their profile.

Opt for a relaxed writing style and make it all about things your lady love is crazy about. This indicates interest and massages every ego. Never settle for being a sheep by offering her value-added content.

For example, if the woman of your dreams has a photo of her holding a guitar on her profile, most men will ask if she plays guitar. This is a closed question which can only really lead to a yes or no answer.

Instead write something along the lines of “Hey Lisa, awesome country guitar. Say we were sitting together at a campfire, which Johnny Cash song would you play? :D” In so doing, you not only show her you’re observant, but that you’re inventive too.

More importantly, such a witty and well-formed message encourages a cheerful response in which she can either tell you what her favorite Johnny Cash song is or explain why she prefers other musicians.

5 aspects which you should be aware of for your online dating profile:

Are you aware that every woman who you write to takes a look at your profile and your photos before she writes back? If not, then here are 5 tips to spruce up your profile for online flirting.

  1. Pepper your profile with good photos, if possible from professional photographers.
  2. The first photo should show you and only you.
  3. Think of a unique description for yourself which keeps her wanting more. Your text should neither be confusing nor needy. A spot of romance is ok.
  4. Show a variety of photos and of you doing interesting things.
  5. Your online profile description text should feature topics that you’re interested in. That way, women have something to get that chat with you off the ground.

When is the perfect time to write to women?

Have you discovered the woman of your dreams at 2am? Then hold your horses. A guy who is on his phone or computer in the middle of the night doesn’t exactly send her head over heels. Write earlier on in the evening. That way you can assume your message won’t interrupt her evening and will be read soon. A bonus for you is that you then don’t have to wait long for a reply. It is also much less stressful to wait overnight for an answer instead of the whole day. When this happens, negative thoughts often creep in that she maybe didn’t 100% grasp what you were saying or that she just isn’t interested after all, when in actual fact she is probably just at work. Furthermore, you show that you lead your own exciting life and aren’t online 24/7. Seek out suitable topics and reveal a little bit about yourself. On no account should you ask outright for a date. Give your gal some time to open up to you. Find a funny hook and be creative. You should remain authentic and honest. It’s no use writing that you’re sporty, if you don’t do any sport. That comes across as disingenuous and will be found out sooner or later if your lady love wants to do sport together and you crumble before her eyes.

Suggest discussion topics! There are enough of them…

Running out of of discussion topics should never be an issue, but if this is in fact the case then check out this video offering good topics for getting to know someone in your first online chat.

Talk about your life first and then ask about hers. For example, what music she likes listening to, what she studies or does as a job or what her greatest passions are. Each of these conversation starters will be even more engaging if you first give something away about yourself. When prompted, say what you like yourself or what you do, describe your interests too but only once you’ve got her interest. You could, for example, phrase it as follows: “Hi Sarah, I just went jogging with my dog as I had to make the most of this awesome weather. What have you been up to this sunny holiday?”

If all you do is “interrogate” her without giving away anything about yourself then your flirty chat will soon turn into the Spanish inquisition. Therefore it’s always best to start off with a sentence or two about what you’ve been up to and then ask about her.

So when all’s said and done, it is best to start off a conversation with a woman online with something brief about yourself so that she can get to know you from the get-go. Let her know what you like to do in your free time and what you enjoy doing! Not only does it make it easier for her to respond to your message, but it also establishes quickly whether you have common interests. Afterwards, you can ask her a few questions, signalling your interest in her. As a rule, polite girls will respond. It goes without saying though that your first message shouldn’t be too personal. This will scare her off.

Deeper questions should only be posed when you are in each other’s company. Even then, it will still depend on the situation! The bottom line is, there is no hard or fast rule for writing to women. As long as you remain authentic and show some humor, flirting online can work just as well as in person.


You’ve received an answer? Then answer yourself too. Gone are the times when you intentionally don’t send a response straight away. In so doing, you neither wake her interest in you, nor do you make life easy for yourself. Moreover, nowadays you can generally see if you have been online. Silly games don’t make you more interesting, rather they show that other things are more important to you. If she has seen that you’ve been online multiple times since she wrote to you then she will soon lose enthusiasm to write to you. Answer when you want to and not because people have told you to wait a day before responding. A prompt answer saves times and gives you an out when you actually forget to write back. Furthermore, it spares your nerves: If you aren’t bowled over by the response then you know that this woman isn’t right for you.

In short: There are no chat up lines that’ll get you your goal. Instead, start a conversation in which she can see that you’re a regular guy who can chat with her about things that she’s interested in. Try to stand out from the crowd. Stop by one of our flirt seminars and learn how to master the art of conversation and dating.

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If you’re really keen to try out our flirting tips and tricks for successful conversations with women then check out our recommendations for where you will find the most single ladies.
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